Discretion and Being The Nexus
So I'm known for a couple of things among my friends and family. A certain amount of clumsiness - usually involving red wine - is one such characteristic that I think many will enthusiastically claim I possess. Certainly the wine stain on my shirt from last night's party at Steve's is evidence of that.
The other is indiscretion. Admitedly I have opened my mouth and blurted out stuff that I'm not supposed to, or that, three beers before, I would have kept to myself. The most famous story, second only to the tale of the token, is the guitar story. I bought Eric a guitar for Christmas a few years ago and hid it in my office at home. I told him to stay out of the office because otherwise he'd spoil the surprise. I came home a few hours later and asked him if he'd been in the office, he swore he hadn't. "Good," I said. "Because I thought I'd come home to hear you playing guitar....oh shit Merry Christmas."
But even though most would not believe it, I AM discreet, really. Because despite all the crap I blurt out, there is a TON i do not blurt. I'd tell you what that is, but that would be indiscreet. But one area that I am discreet, and I'm getting a bit miffed at having to be, is when people say shit around me that, annoyingly, puts me into a situation.
I have one acquaintance who is poitically someplace to the right of the Pope, he blurts out such right-wing shite as to make a fascist blush, and I'm left to choosing to either get into it with him, thereby getting us both into a long, boring and hopeless conversation or shutting up - making him think (and say to my friends) that I agree with him. And the conversation IS hopeless because let's face it, I'm not moving to the right, and he's not moving to the left, so why bother. And he's not stupid, so he's being intentionally inflamatory.
There's another category of stuff people say that I'm forced to be around. When two people in my life (let's for the sake of argument say they're family members - and at times they have been) are pissed at each other, or cranky or fighting or whatnot. And one of them bitches at me about the other one. Now my choices are 1. agree and beat up on the absent one, 2. defend the absent person thereby getting into a row 3. shut up and seethe.
I'm not talking about when someone comes to you to rant a bit about an incident, or for advice on dealing with a bit of a conflict. No, that's fine, we've all been there , and that's human, right? I'm talking about when all they want, all they're committed to is bitching about and shitting on the other person. They're not interested in resolution or getting past it, but just in winding you up about this other person and generating agreement about how bad/wrong/awful this other person is.
It's annoying. Don't do it. Oh, and to be utterly clear (and to paraphrase Carly Simon) if you think this blog is about you... it probably is.