fat and with bad knees
This weekend I realised that I'm fat. Not really huge or tubby, but just fat enough that it bugs me. I'm fatter than i've ever been. I won't weigh myself but you can tell. or rather I can tell. People say "oh, you look fine." And other things. But they have no meaning. The fact remains i feel whale-like. To give you a sense of how real this is to me I was chatting with fella I've 'known' before. And he wants a repeat. I rememer that his renewed interest in me was at a bar last year after i'd been working out with a trainer and was looking all svelte and hot. Well this weekend he was emailing trying to set up a playdate and all i could think of was that I will NOT get naked with this guy. nope, no way, no how. SO i gave him some BS about busy with work, and rode my bike to work today.
And speaking of working out and health, my knees make a sound like someone crinkling cellophane. That can't be good. So I made an appointment with a sports doc for next week. I don't want to fuck them up totally so I'll see what can be done now.